


Falling into Oblivion

by intothedarkness



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, adding tags as the story continues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-10-20 13:24:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17623190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothedarkness/pseuds/intothedarkness
Summary: “Bellamy, if you are reading this… it’s been 2199 days since the last time I saw you. I don’t know why I still do this every day. Maybe it’s my way of staying sane, not forgetting who I am… was. It’s been approved for you to come here for over a year now. Why haven’t you? Everyone has gone silent, too. They all stopped coming a while ago. I tried to contact them but with no luck. Anyway, I still have hope. I’m still breathing, right? Tell Raven that I miss her, and to aim for the little spot of grey and you’ll find me. Everything here sucks, I feel so alone… I just want to see you, to know that you are okay. I’ll wait for you, Bellamy, always.Clarke Griffin"----While being away, Clarke sends letters to Bellamy everyday for 2199 days as a way of staying sane.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is the first time I'm writing in a long time, so if this sucks you have been warned and I'm sorry.  
> Also, my first language isn't english, so if you see any mistakes and/or you want to share your opinion, feel free to leave a comment.  
> Let me know if you would want for me to continue writing this!  
> I hope you enjoy it!

**Chapter 1**

_“Bellamy, if you are reading this… it’s been 2199 days since the last time I saw you. I don’t know why I still do this every day. Maybe it’s my way of staying sane, not forgetting who I am… was. It’s been approved for you to come here for over a year now. Why haven’t you? Everyone has gone silent, too. They all stopped coming a while ago. I tried to contact them but with no luck. Anyway, I still have hope. I’m still breathing, right? Tell Raven that I miss her, and to aim for the little spot of grey and you’ll find me. Everything here sucks, I feel so alone… I just want to see you, to know that you are okay. I’ll wait for you, Bellamy, always._

_C.G.”_

**MEDICAL CENTER FOR THE MENTALLY ILL**

* * *

 

 

The warm, golden light is the first thing she feels when she steps out of the building. The soft current dances around her, greeting her to the world. She opens her eyes and tries to capture every single action and moment that’s going on around her. The chirping of the crows, the doves and the blue jays filling the air, the soft winds hitting against the large big oaks, the sound of her feet walking away from the place that has caused her countless nightmares. As she inhales the blissful aroma of the spring, she realizes that she is finally free.

An alarm erupted her tranquility and without wasting another second, she runs away, hoping for all the nightmares and all the darkness within her to be left behind. 

She runs into the forest, trees and flowers and animals fading behind as she sprints as quickly as her feet allow her. Her heart beating loudly against her ear, a horrible and loud sound bouncing in her head; this is her only chance of escaping, of leaving. They can’t catch her- they won’t.

Minutes passed and she finally saw the river, she goes up following the trail she knew by heart. Running and running, she wouldn’t stop. She would never stop until she is with him. She crosses the river after spotting the little bridge at the top of the hill, her running never stops. She's agitated, all the movement is new to her, she feels like fainting. But she doesn't stop, not until she sees that little cabin she was hoping to see. That little cabin that brings her hope in a world full of agony, grief and despair. She goes in, glancing briefly at all the memories impregnated in the walls, but she never stops. She forces herself into going inside that room and goes to the bed, she lifts the mattress and grabs the keys laying there. Not two seconds later, she's sprinting out of that house again, escaping from all the memories, the good ones and the bad ones. She never looks behind.

...

She was tired. Her legs were numbed. She started feeling dizzy, but she knew she couldn’t stop. The faster she gets out of here; the faster rest would come. If she rests right now and they catch her, she will be succumbed to a life full of pain and misery. And she couldn't go back to that.

Her legs were about to give up when she spots the garages at the distance. Mind set into action, she uses her last strength and dashes into her destination.

 

She stands in front of the garage number 34 and with the keys in hand, she opens it. In there, covered in dust and memories, stands an old yet beautiful red car. She hopes in and drives to the place- person she has missed the most. 

She drives home, she drives to Bellamy.

**_________**

 

The moment she stands in front of the familiar house of the Blake residency is the moment she realizes she looks completely insane. Her once long wavy hair now lays in a mess at her shoulders with a strike of pink hair. The worn-out clothes she last used 6 six years ago fitted her loosely in her skin, she felt a stranger in her own clothes. She was so light and small, she looked almost breakable. That’s what six years of isolation and torture does, it breaks you, it consumes you, it weakens you.

Are they going to recognize me? Will they be happy to see me? Have they moved on? Six years is a long time to wait for someone. But again, that’s all I did. I waited and waited for the day to see them again. For this day.

A million thoughts went by my head, images of all the terrible things I did to survive, for everyone to survive. Were they enough?

“Clarke?” Chills went trough my spine, I could feel the electricity bouncing in my skin reaching every spot in my body.

_Clarke_

A name I haven’t been called to or associated with in the past year, it felt strange to hear it, to say it, to be it. _Clarke_.

I turned around and see an older yet identical version of Monty Green. He seemed taller, bigger, with his once long straight hair now cut shortly. His beautiful eyes and smile were now transformed into a look of pure shock at the sight of her.

“Is that really you Clarke?” I could feel in my bones the shakiness and how breathless he sounded.

“Monty.” My voice sounded unfamiliar to my own ears. My feet took life of its own and started walking- almost running to him.

My arms around his neck and his arms clutching my back as if he was checking if this was his imagination or reality. I released a sigh of relieve, hugging him tighter, craving for human contact after six years of being isolated. Tears started streaming down my face with no control what so ever, a laugh escaped my mouth when thinking how surreal but amazing this feels like.

This was real.

After so many years imagining moments like this it was hard grasping the thought that this was really happening. That this is all real.

Monty separated and looked me up and down, “It’s really you Clarke, you came back.” He exclaimed with a laugh. And that’s the last thing I remembered before feeling the dizziness going to my head, the sound of his laugh, of his excitement, a laugh full with happiness. Then everything was black.

 

**___________**

 

Raven gazed with a somber look at the picture she clutched in her hands.

 _Finn._ She thought. How long did it have to pass for her to stop thinking about him? Raven was healing, with the help of her family, but there were days that she couldn’t stop playing all those moments she went through with him. She missed him, but he was gone.

A bang of the door downstairs, followed by Monty’s frantic ‘RAVEN’´s startled her and threw the picture of herself with Finn under her bed and went downstairs as quickly as her leg allowed her.

What she saw when she reached the living room took the breath out of her. ‘This is impossible’ was her first thought.

“RAVEN, snap out of it and come help me!” She ran up to him and saw her long-lost friend and savior convulsing in the couch. She could hear Monty screaming and asking what they should do but her focus was completely centered on Clarke.

“She is alive.”

Monty took her by the arms and stared at her intently. “Yes, but she will not be for long if we don’t do anything about it. So please, Raven, help me out. We can’t lose her again.” She nodded and went to the kitchen to get their medical kit.

Raven grabs a syringe and fills it with drug detoxification, she is about to inject it to Clarke when Monty stops her. “Are you sure that’s what she needs? What if this isn’t about drugs?” Everyone could hear the concern in his voice.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” She smiled.

“Then let me do this.” He nodded and Raven injected the syringe in her vein.

A few moments later, the seizure decreased rapidly until it stopped and Clarke was left unconscious on the sofa.

They both looked at her intently, with different thoughts and questions circling their minds.

 _How did she get here? What happened to her? Where was she? Who had her?_ But the thing they wanted to say the most was _‘thank you, thank you for saving us, again and again.’_

“What do we do now?” Asked Monty.

Raven shifted her focus to him and said, “We call Bellamy.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, the reason why I haven't updated this fic before was because things in my life have been a little bit hectic and I didn't have the time. I'm really sorry and I'm going to try to update this quicker. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**CHAPTER 2**

_“Bellamy, I don’t know how long I’ve been here. I don’t know who are these people. I just know that I’m scared. Not for me, but for you. I heard them talking and they are planning to get you and everyone else. Having me has slowed the process of getting you, so I’m thankful for that. I hope you are alright, I need you to be alright. I bear it so you don’t have to. And Bellamy… don’t feel guilty for leaving me behind. You did what you had to do. To save our people. I’m proud of you._

_C.G.”_

M E D I C A L  C E N T E R  F O R  T H E  M E N T A L L Y  I L L

 

___________

 

Warmth.

That’s the first thing she felt when she started gaining consciousness. Soft material beneath her grazed her skin, smooth sheets wrapped around her and cloudy-like pillow around her head. She felt so pure and calm, she was in a deep state of tranquility. It has been so long since she has felt anything like it.

Her small bubble of calmness erupted when she heard shouts and more shouts coming outside of the room she was in. Panic started creeping up chest, her hands started shacking and a pressure pressed her heart and head. She started sweating and could feel her entire body tremble at the mere thought of what they were going to do to her. Her eyes started scanning the familiar room, searching- hoping for a scape, for something for her to grab to protect herself, but what she saw stunned her.  It was a picture of ghosts from her past, two ghosts with their arms wrapped around each other, happy, with gigantic smiles plastered in their faces. Octavia and Bellamy.

Then it finally hit her. How she escaped yesterday, how she ran and ran from the horrors she lived in. She remembers the car, and the memories, and the ghosts, the pain, the people she left behind, then and now. She remembers it all, all the things that happened to her in the past six years, the lack of human contact, the shock and the medication, the dumbness of it all.

She needed to know that this wasn’t a product of her imagination, she _needed_ to know, needed to see that this was all real. She couldn’t bear the thought of this being part of her trials. She tightens her grip on the picture that showed the happiness of her past, and tried to stand up as quickly as her feet let her. The sudden movement made her light-headed and that’s when she realized how weak she was, how fragile she felt.

Her feet carried her to the small mirror that was hanged in the wall. As she stood in front of it, she hesitated. She hasn’t seen her own reflection in months, in years. The closest she came to see herself was in the car, driving, but even then, she did the most she could to not stare at her unfamiliar face.

She looked down, at her now bare feet. Then at her worn-out black pants and her dirty white blouse, her eyes finally reached the top of the mirror and there she was. Her once long wavy hair now lay at her shoulders with a strike of pink hair. Her lips were dry and had a lot of wounds. What shocked her the most were her eyes. She remembered her eyes full of determination and strength, sometimes full of love and happiness. What she saw right there, wasn’t the person she was before. Two hues of light blue stared back at her with nothing but uncertainty and plainness. Her eyes, her stare… it was like gazing at the human version of death. But it made sense, she was the commander of death after all. Death was all she knew.

In that moment the door burst open and through the mirror she saw the face of someone she thought she would never see and touch again. There he was. He was still beautiful, even after all the years and horrors he had to face. He looked so different, his soft curls were longer, his clean shaved face was gone and now he ported a beard. But his eyes, his eyes were the same. A sense of familiarity flowed through her. He was the same guy, her Bellamy.

She turned around to looked at him better and noticed the familiar faces behind him. Then she came into realization. She was really here, with them. After years of imagining this moment it was finally happening, it wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t an illusion. It was real.

She felt the tears running down her face before she could control them. But it was in vain. Her emotions were heightened and she could feel her heart contracting. She was finally letting herself feel.  

When He noticed her tears, he took a step forwards to try to get to her but stopped when she took a step backwards and glued herself completely against the wall. Her heart was clenching, her head was spinning, her body was shacking. She was in pain. And it wasn’t because her body hurt or because she could feel she was going to faint. It was His face.

His mouth was parted, his eyes had the same pained expression he had when he told her she left him. He was hurt, and it was because of me. Again.

_I’m so sorry Bellamy. I’m so sorry._

That was her last thought before her vision turned black and she collapsed.

 

______________

 

“Don’t go up there yet Bellamy. She is still resting and I don’t think she will wake up in a couple of hours. What I gave her was pretty strong. Her body needs to rest.” Raven told him when he stood up to check up on her. On Clarke.

He felt like he was in a dream. He couldn’t believe that after all this time, after 6 years of mourning her, Clarke was alive. He couldn’t but he should, Clarke was the toughest person he has ever known.

He needed to see her. He needed to touch her to believe she was actually here. He kept replaying in his head the moment Monty called him and said “ _Clarke is here Bellamy. Come fast.”_ He stood there in the middle of the road dumbfounded with a million emotions running around his body. He didn’t believe him. He didn’t want to believe him.

 _What if Clarke was alive and he didn’t do anything for six years to try to find her?_ He wouldn’t forgive himself. Not ever.

He turned around to look at Raven. “I need to see her, okay? One hour has passed since I arrived and I still haven’t seen her. I need to. Do you understand?”

“Of course, I understand, but you need to let her rest. When she wakes up, you’ll be the first one to go see her, ok?”

“Nah, I don’t think Clarke wants to see that horrible face when she first wakes up. As a handsome man, I volunteer myself to see her first.” Murphy stood up and wrapped an arm around my shoulders with a smug smile on his face.

“Sit down, John, this isn’t the time for your stupidity.” Emori grabbed his arm and pulled him down into the sofa.

“I knew you still had the hots for me, but be compassionate and don’t make a move in front of everyone. Most of these guys haven’t gotten laid in a while.”

“Shut up Murphy! I’m tired of this. Just sit there and shut up!” He shouted in his face while grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.

He could feel Raven struggling to stand up and the soft noises she made until she stood behind him. She placed a hand in his shoulder as a sign for him to back up.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. I miss her too.”

That surprised him. It was the first time he heard Murphy saying out loud how he missed Clarke. But he wasn’t the only one, they all did.

“I’m going up now.”

He softly shrugged off Raven’s hand and started running towards the stairs. He needed to see her. He was suffocating and felt like he was going to breath normal again when he sees her. He heard a loud ‘Bellamy no!’ and multiple steps running to him. He reached his door and opened it loudly. He stepped in and there she was.

Clarke.

She stood in front of the mirror, her small back facing him. Her once long hair now was at her shoulders. He could see part of her face through the mirror and he could tell she wasn’t expecting to see him; her lips were parted and her eyes were wide open. She was as beautiful as ever.

She turned around and that way he could check her out better. She had a strike of bright pink hair he didn’t noticed before. She had gotten really thin; her clothes were so big for her small figure. He noticed she was wearing the same thing he saw her wore last. Six years ago. Her big blue eyes were adorned with eye bags and dark circles. Tears started going down her beautiful eyes and all he wanted to do was to reach her and embrace her. So that’s what he did, he took a step forward ready to pull her into his arms. What he didn’t expect was for her to move back. To move away from him.

She was shacking, crying, back pressed against the wall. He was so hurt of her hostility, but it all went away when she clutched her head with her hands and her once vivid eyes turned off every emotion. Suddenly she stopped moving and it was like her body collapsed and began falling down. He ran towards Clarke and wrapped his arms around her to prevent her from touching the ground.

He looked at her lifeless eyes and panic began creeping up his chest when she started to shake uncontrollably.

“ **What’s going on?! ANYONE, DO ANYTHING!**

**RAVEN**

**MONTY**

**PLEASE HELP**

**WHAT’S GOING ON?!** ”

Raven grabbed the syringe that was in the nightstand and injected her in her thigh. Clarke stopped convulsing after a few seconds and then she laid motionless in his arms.

Bellamy didn’t notice he was crying until Murphy crouched down beside him and told him that everything was going to be alright, that Clarke was strong and that she was going to get through this. He helped him lift Clarke and they both took her to his bed. They laid her in the bed and then Murphy took a step back.

He looked around the room and everyone’s eyes were filled with tears looking at Clarke. Monty and Harper had their arms wrapped around each other. Emori had a hand covering her mouth, eyes filled with tears. Murphy was embracing himself, digging his nails into his forearms. Raven was pressed against the wall, hands covering her face. Everyone was a wreck. They all hated seeing Clarke like that. They all hated not knowing what she went through the past six years. They all wanted to help but didn’t know how to.

Bellamy kneeled besides the bed and took one of Clarke hands and clutched it between his hands. Her hand was cold. Her skin was pale. She was so thin, she looked like at any wrong movement she could break. She was in pain, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

“I don’t know how she woke up so early. The drugs I have her were really strong, they should have knocked her up for a couple of more hours.” Raven said suddenly, breaking the silence.

“What if…” Harper started talking with a small voice. She cleared it and continue talking. “What if she is used to the drugs? Maybe that’s why it doesn’t have the same impact on her as it has on others…”

He flinched at Harper’s words. If she was correct, that means that wherever she was, she was using or someone used on her strong drugs. He was imagining a million scenarios of Clarke being drugged and he couldn’t- didn’t want to continue imagining that. It was too much for him.

He was sure the others were thinking the same thing as him.

He looked at her one more time, grabbed a piece of hair that laid on her face and tucked in behind her ear. He was amazed by her. Her strength, her beauty, her power. He had mixed emotions watching her, happy that she was home, sad at the cost of her return and furious at himself, because he thought she was dead and she suffered alone for six years, and he wasn’t there for her.

“Come on Bellamy. Let’s go outside. We’ll check on her in bit.” Monty told him when the others started leaving the room.

“I don’t want to leave her Monty.”

“I know you don’t, but it’s for the best right now.”

“I can’t lose her. We can’t lose Clarke.” He shook his head. Now that she was back, they can’t lose her again.

“You won’t.”

___________

 

They were all sitting in the living room when Monty and Bellamy came down. They both sat down and they all sat there in silence for a few minutes. Everyone was shaken up, no one knew how to react.

“Did this happen before you called us?” Bellamy asked.

“Yes.” Monty nodded. “We didn’t want to worry you all while you were coming here, that’s why we didn’t say anything.”

“We waited here for an hour, an hour! And none of you said anything!” He exclaimed. He was getting frustrated with all of them.

Raven stood up and walked towards him. “We didn’t say anything because we knew you would react badly Bellamy. So not sit down and relax because you getting altered isn’t going to fix anything. And us fighting isn’t going to help Clarke.” She sat down, sighed and looked at everyone. “We were scared. We still are scared. We didn’t know what to do. For the first time in six years we see Clarke and it’s in this situation. We were so fucking scared, watching her convulse and trash around, we didn’t want you to worry on your way here. We didn’t want you to imagine her like that.”

“We didn’t want you to see her like that. Because she doesn’t look like the Clarke we remember. But you did, and we are sorry we didn’t tell you before.” Monty added.

Everyone stayed quiet after that.

“What’s going on?” They turned to the door and there stood Echo taking off her coat and leaving her sword on the ground.

When no one answered she kept talking. “Today’s patrol was easy. There wasn’t any commotion. Now, tell me, what’s going on?” She looked at me. “Bellamy?”

“Clarke is back.”

_____________

 

“What did you mean by Clarke is back? Since when?”

“Can you stop shouting? She is inside resting.” They were outside of Clarke’s room. His room.

“Mighty Wanheda came back from the dead.”

“Don’t call her that.”

“Why not? That’s who she is. Who she will always be.” When he didn’t answer she asked, “How did she get here?”

“I don’t know. Monty told us he came back from patrolling when he saw her standing outside the house.” He needed to talk to her. He had a million questions, but all he wanted to know was if she was okay.

“We are very close to find Octavia and everyone else. And now Clarke is here. This Is going to complicate things and you know it. This will change everything.”

“Nothing is going to change Echo, I swear.” He grabbed her hand and linked it with his. “Everything will go like we planned.” She wrapped her arms around his back and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I hope you are right.”

I hope so too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos and comments so I know what you think!
> 
> If anyone knows about seizures and their causes and effects and the medications needed, can you leave a comment please?  
> Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> I know this chapter isn't very long but the next chapters are! 
> 
> Leave some comments, I would love to see what you guys think!


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